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My Family

When A Child Heals Your Soul: The Birth of an Angel: Happy Birthday Annabel!

Lance didn’t make it in time to watch Annabels entry into this world. After a frantic rush to the hospital, he arrived three minutes after our second child’s birth. Those three minutes in which this new little bundle belonged only to me, was one of the most transforming experiences of my life. I was spell-bound as her spirit entered into my heart and weaved a bond that was so powerful, I couldn’t speak. After a childhood of heartbreak, I’d entered into the delivery room a woman with a lonely child hidden in a corner of her soul. I left that room on that fateful day, with an angel in my heart, one who promised that she’d lead that frightened child to the light, and that no matter what happened, she’d be there to make everything okay. I gave birth to my guardian angel 23 years ago to this day. And in these last 23 years, she has helped free my soul from bondage, just as she promised. She brought back the warmth of the sun, and the feel of the rain. She touched my spirit and reminded me how to laugh from the depths of forever. She made me taste life as I’d never tasted it before. She brought me back to the world and made me face what I needed to face. She is joy. She is laughter. She holds the mystery of the universe in her beautiful blue eyes. She is everything I live for. She is the most magnificent woman I have ever known.

Way back then in 1989 the scans were never accurate as to the sex of a child in the womb, so I didn’t have a clue what I was going to get. All I did know was that I didn’t want a girl. I carried all sorts of baggage in those days. I imagined she’d remind me of my own vulnerability as a child, and the thought of a little female in my arms scared the life out of me. I liked boys. I had to have a boy. I already had a sturdy little boy and a wonderfully sturdy husband. I mentally ordered another sampling from that species.

And then there she was. The moment the nurse told me I had a girl, my heart did a double somersault. Yes, my heart whispered. Yes. They placed her in my arms and for the first time in my life, my loneliness was gone.

It was Annabel who led me to the world of alternative healing and opened the door to the true magic of life. It was she who taught me to respect another human being and refrain from imposing my idea of how things should be. It was my beautiful guardian angel who reflected back the power of my spirit, my mental and emotional strength and my ability to keep moving when the going got tough. She wasn’t an easy child you see. She had a mind of her own, and neither Lance nor I had any say in how she intended to live her little life.

We went through a difficult patch, trying to get her to conform to our expectations of how children should be. She wasn’t having any of it and stuck to her guns. I was embarrassed as the other mothers looked upon my parenting skills with disdain. They had no clue that the rules as they knew them just didn’t apply to Annie. She never had tantrums. She was never rude. In fact, she was happy all the time. Annabel simply did what Annabel wanted, when she wanted. Lance and I were learning the hard way that some people were born to alter your way of looking at the world.

My child, under constant watch for her safety, would somehow escape and be found up a lamp-post, balancing on a window-ledge, or in a neighbour’s house uninvited, rifling through their videos, looking for a movie to watch. She’d ask for what she wanted in any situation, defying the laws which begged polite conformance to social behaviour. Sometimes she wouldn’t ask. She’d pick flowers from people’s gardens, or take fruit from their trees. If she wanted to borrow something from another child and they weren’t around to ask, she’d simply take it and return it to the bewildered kid the next day.  You can imagine how that looked. And how my standing as a ‘good mommy’ was shot to pieces as I stood and looked on helplessly, not having had any clue that she’d taken something without asking! She’d give our domestic helper a run for her money by locking her out of the house, or pushing her into the laundry basket when she bent over to take out the washing. She slept when she wanted to, refusing to go to bed at set times. She ate when she wanted to, and when she felt inclined, would search for the sweets that I’d been forced to hide, and share them with her friends.  Once, at the age of six, she asked my friend Sue (who had a son just like Annie) if she knew what a lesbian was, and proceeded to tell her how she and Sue’s son had stolen a video from someone’s house and had seen how girls ‘do it’. Annabel told me at this very young age to please not presume she would marry a man because she might just grow up to like girls instead. I didn’t have an answer to that one. This wise little child was right.

No amount of punishment worked. No amount of vigilance worked. She was a regular Houdini for whom escape tactics were part of her nature. Trust didn’t work either, because in Annabel’s mind, we were the fools for asking her to be something other than what she was. Our last resort was to smack her legs when we thought she got out of line, and when that failed like everything else, we were relieved to be able to count that method out. We were forced, however, to sit down in utter defeat. I wondered whether to take her to a psychiatrist, but intuition stopped me from doing so.

During this time Annie developed bronchitis. It was only out of frustration with the ineffectiveness of conventional medicine that I cautiously approached an alternative healer for advice. I thought I was in this healer’s surgery to get medicine, but I was in for a surprise. At the start of the first meeting, the practitioner wasn’t interested in speaking to me; she wanted to speak to my daughter. And when she was finished, she addressed me, wanting to know where the pressure on Annabel was coming from. Was it school? The teachers? She asked me to search for the source, and that when I sorted it out, her bronchitis, which had been on-going for about a year, would disappear altogether.

I was shocked and deeply intrigued to eventually figure out that when we berated Annabel for her ‘defiance’ of our authority, we were actually making her feel worthless. We were sending her the message that who she was as a human being was not enough. I was horrified with myself as I discovered my own need for approval within our community. I bent over backwards to be liked and refrained from doing anything that would make me stand out from the crowd. I was hell-bent on conforming to social etiquette, but Annabel put paid to all of that. When I made the decision to stop caring about what others thought, everything changed. Lance and I stopped our chiding and let her be who she was born to be. When we learned to get over ourselves and not force her to conform, her chest healed up altogether.

Today, my Annie is a beautiful, strong woman, with a mystical heart that compels her to search for the truth in her soul. We are inseparable, her, Lance and I. When we fight, we can’t stay out of love for long. We pass in the corridor, and I feel the need to touch her. She is made of something indescribable. Her essence is pure love and she is a balm to my soul.

Her kindness to others is humbling, and her friendships are forged in the spirit. Her friends are of all ages, from all walks of life. Everyone who knows her absolutely adores her. When she walks into a room, she never fails to take my breath away. Her presence is as enchanting now as it was the day she was born. It is awesome that an angel could have been gifted to me, and I am grateful that she had the courage to be who she was in the face of all adversity. Most of all I will be forever indebted to her for possessing the strength to refuse to let us change her. Life, the Universe, the Spirit of All Things is magical. But it took an angel to make me see it.

Happy Birthday my Beautiful Annabel!

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About Yaz

Hi Everyone! Please check out my site. There you'll find a range of subjects on which I've expressed my world view. I always challenge myself and others to move out of their point of view and try seeing things from another perspective. Your point of view will always be there if you don't like mine! And I'd love to hear from you. Perhaps you'll shift something in me. This is the journey to the True Self and I love it. Lots of love to you all!

Discussion

13 thoughts on “When A Child Heals Your Soul: The Birth of an Angel: Happy Birthday Annabel!

  1. What a spectacular and tender hearted post, Yaz, I am so touched….Love, Linda

    Posted by Linda Willows | November 10, 2012, 12:44 am
  2. Brilliant Yazzy. She is a healer of souls. Look how far you have all come under her guidance. Have a lovely weekend together. Last year it was my turn to see her on her birthday but you have her back now to fill your lives with love and laughter. Xx

    Posted by Jools | November 10, 2012, 12:53 am
  3. Yaz, this brought tears to my eyes. of joy, of love … & because I can truly relate. children are blessings, and how they heal … happy birthday Annabel!!! xoxo

    Posted by carolineskanne | November 10, 2012, 1:39 am
  4. just beautiful!
    the circle of life is truly a gift!
    we choose our parents. we expand and contract together and then we are gifted with the privilege of it happening all over again. Maybe we learn something along the way and maybe we don’t. Some are awake and some are numb but nonetheless it still remains a perfect circle.

    thank you sister!

    Posted by bentpeople | November 10, 2012, 1:40 am
  5. Oh that was so beautiful. I have lump in my throat. I knew nothing about Annabel before but I feel I know her a little bit now. How fantastic that you learned to see past what society expected. It’s not always easy. In many ways I am a ‘terrible mother’ and have been told so! But we are all so close, it’s worth it! My eldest daughter is a little like Annabel. I had to let her wear different coloured shoes to school as she insisted; that kind of thing. I wonder if you have an answer for why Katrina’s horrendous eczema on her hands (cracked, bleeding, very thick and scaly every Summer) suddenly disappeared as she finished school and set off overseas? Hugs as always. I love your posts – you are so knowledgeable, so human and such a beautiful, open soul. Thanks

    Posted by Joyisnow | November 10, 2012, 2:12 am
  6. Happy birthday indeed! And thank you for having her! What a beautiful gift of life she is. I feel like I should love her and I don’t even know her! 😉

    Posted by Chatter Master | November 10, 2012, 3:06 am
  7. I echo the sentiments and comments of so many other readers…..she is beautiful and magical inside and out. I have one of those myself. And it is so true about what the little ones teach us. I call my daughter and old soul because her wisdom and insight are well beyond her years…..just like your Annabel. Beautiful post and tribute!

    Posted by wellcallmecrazy | November 10, 2012, 4:25 am
  8. Yaz, Annabel is beautiful – really beautiful in the photos.

    As for her spirited character – borrowing toys without asking (and returning to ‘bewildered child’), rifling through neighbours’ videos… I am like you ‘bending over backward’ to not stand out, to conform. I would have squirmed so uncomfortably. All of Annabel’s behaviours is why I was too petrified to front to a mother’s club. Oh, my gosh, what you described to me was utter challenge!!!

    And yet just look at her : so beautiful now. I wonder if she’d still do those things though, or she has the manners not to wander into people’s places? I’m just curious, did that part of her change somehow?

    Either way, she’s awesome! 🙂

    Posted by WordsFallFromMyEyes | November 10, 2012, 3:20 pm
  9. Oh Yaz ~ this was so so special! I just returned from out of town ~ and thrilled I got to share in this post about your beloved Allanbel. Can feel your love ~ and her mystical spirit through your words. She is blessed to have a Mom like you … and have no doubt she knows this. Bask in the Love … and en JOY ~ xo Happy Birthday to your Angel ~ x Robyn

    Posted by Robyn Lee | November 10, 2012, 5:14 pm
  10. How beautiful, Yaz. I read this with a twinkle in me eye, girl. I have this bond with my daughter, and what a blessing it is…
    Happy Birthday, Annabel…!

    Posted by carolynpageabc | November 10, 2012, 9:40 pm
  11. My daughter had her own drummer, too. She defied all the rules and helped heal my heart as well. She’s 25 and married now…it’s hard to believe how the time flew by.
    Your post reminded me so much of her….it was a beautiful gift today…thank you.

    Posted by Denise Hisey | November 10, 2012, 10:52 pm
  12. A truly beautiful post! And your daughter is gorgeous.

    Posted by sufilight | November 11, 2012, 11:35 am
  13. Dear Yaz,
    I know you have a series of wonderful posts here to catch up on but I just needed to come to this one to let you know this is special. The love you have for your baby angel is so palpable I can almost touch it. She is most beautiful and her heart shines… Love and hugs from one mother to another. Sharon

    Posted by aleafinspringtime | November 17, 2012, 3:17 pm

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